for a high school freshman "dating" a sophomore?
First off, he does not have his driver's license - and if he did - I would not allow her to go anywhere alone with him one on one.
Second, they can see each other school night, one weekend night and they are not allowed to be alone together.
If she goes over to his house, I need to know his parents are home - so his mom must get the door for her and give me a wave. I do the same for her.
Double dating is acceptible - I need to know where they are going, and if it is at a friends house that a parent will be there, and be home by curfew.
IF she follows these rules and is respectful and responsibile - and more importantly if her date does, I will be more apt to lighten up. This is my daughter's first real b/f and I am really uncomfortable with her even wanting a steady b/f. If you have a teen daughter - please tell me about how you handled this first experience. Thanks!
Do these teen dating rules seem unreasonable?band myspace
i've never had a teenage daughter, but i am only 18 so i guess i'm close enough... to me those seem like fair rules... just make sure you talk to your daughter and let her know that you're doing this to make life hard for her and that if she can respect and follow the rules that they will gradually change over time... but make sure you follow up on your side and change the rules as she shows responsibility to following whats already layed down. i would let them have "alone time" however maybe on a night that you're home let them have the living room and watch a movie or something where you're not sitting right there with them that way they're alone, but you're still there to be able to check and make sure nothing is going on that you don't want to happen. also only allowing her to see him on weekend night sounds good, but if there's something going on one weekend where she wants to see him more than once, talk to her find out what the event is and try to let her go out to it if it's a group thing and follows the other rules you've layed down... keep to your rules, but don't be afraid to bend them if you feel it's a legit thing going on or if she's been doing good with following the rules... if you don't bend them once in a while or change them as you said you would once she shows you she can follow them then she will feel like she is following them for no reason and may try to break them because she's keeping up her end of the deal and you're not keeping up to yours.
Do these teen dating rules seem unreasonable?celeb myspace myspace.comSorry - I need to proof my comments before I hit the submit button! Report It
I can honestly say I've been there. I applaud your methods, because my mom was even striker than that. She didn't allow me to have a bf till i was 19, so i had to sneak around alot. You are giving your daughter space but at the same time being a good parent. Those rules are in no way unfair and i think are appropriate boundaries for a teenage girl.
don't worry so much, she will be fine
i've never had a teen daughter, but i've been one, and that seems a little strict. not being allowed to be alone together could make their relationship really awkward and they'll try to get around the rules. wouldn't you rather have her tell you what's going on instead of lying about it?
wish i had i mom like that i couldn't date till i was 18 those are perfect rules
The rules sound very reasonable to me. However, I wouldn't put much stock into the idea that double-dates are safer than one-on-one dates. When I was is school some of the kids would simply go to the basement and shut the door and do everything under the sun. Parents figured that sex only occured in private -- not true!
Plus, in today's culture boy/girl parties have activities such as spin the bottle, but the girls go down on the guy. Each girl has a different colored lipstick and the idea is to give the guys a "rainbow." (Be wary if your daughter buys odd colored lipsticks but you never see her wear them. They may be reserved for these special parties.)
So... your daughter may be safer one-on-one if the boy is respectable and responsible
I think you are giving her freedom, yet boundaries...which is perfect!
These are great rules. Just keep in mind that any date unchaperoned is a bad idea even if it is a double date!! You might be surprised at how sneaky kids can get! And if your daughter complains that the rules are too strict....you are doing a good job and you should pat yourself on the back!! My daughters aren't even allowed to date until they are 16!! (Luckily I have 7 and 9 years still!!!)
I don't think that they are unresonable at all!! In fact...I would like to point out that "double dating" can lead to problems because the other "couple" might try to cover for your daughter.
I DON'T have a teenager...but I have a teenage sister...she's 14...her best friend has admitted to having at least 4 sexual partners and all the boys that my sister talks to (IM's) says that her friend is a slut and has had a lot of sexual experiences.
For being at a "friend's house" just remember that just because a parent is there doesn't mean that they are actually "watching" the kids. My sister went to a Cinco de Mayo party with a friend...the girl's parents were there BUT they were drunk and partying with their friends...NOT paying attention to the kids. Remember that not ALL parents have the same restrictions, or rules for their kids so they don't enforce our rules when our kids are there. You should talk to these parents and find out their stance on teenage drinking, sex, etc so that you know that your rules will be followed when your child is there.
And I wouldn't "lighten up"...in this day and age of teenage drug use, sex, babies, and AIDS...the last thing you need is to sit there and think "OMG if I only did this"...you aren't restricting your child...you are protecting them from the harsh reality of other children being brought up differently then your child.
They may hate it now...but trust me...they will THANK YOU later on when she's not knocked up at 17 and married to an alcoholic abuser.
God Bless..and good luck. I dread when my children are that old...if kids are getting pregnant etc at 12 now...I can just imagine what will be common when my children are that age.
Good for you for raising your child that way.
Honestly when I raised my first three, they are now 23,28 and 29, they would always go as a group and come back as a group. But my 23 year -old told me later on that if they wanted to be alone with a boy or so, they would tell the rest of the group where to meet them and they'd be gone,just the two of them. So your double dating could be used as something else, if they want to be together , they will find a way.
I have this second generation of two boys 10 and 12 to raise now and this time it is different, because now I am saved and they are saved and this makes it a different ballgame.
We have to teach out children to love the Lord and respect Him and then they would want to do right by God if we are around or not. That is the only way that it can work.
I dont see those being really unreasonable. I think that you should be able to trust your daughter enough so that they could be one on one with each other as I would think nothing would happen if they are both mature young adults. Thats another issue though, and I understand your concerns. I think that she shouldnt have problems following these rules and that as the relationship gets longer and more steadier then you will be more apt to letting them do other things like going places by themselves or him taking her places once he gets her license or whatever it may be. I think that you are being a very responsible and caring parent, and I applaud you.
I think it seems fair but loosen up on the rules just a tiny bit. Like allowing her to see him every other school night supervised though yes. maybe you can allow them to go on walks around the neighborhood alone. It'd be like 30 minutes. Trust her a little bit more too. Your rules are very reasonable considering she is about 13,14.
Two of my friends are that age and date. They hang out at each other's houses while parents are home everyday after school until 5:30 but also walk around the neighborhood a lot too alone and check in every 30 minutes if they stay out longer than 30 minutes.
ABSOLUTELY!!
My daughter is only 10 and the students in her 6th grade class think i am the meanest mom ever. I see it as I am doing my job.
We are not to the dating scene - thank goodness!!
But - we do not allow friends over for longer than 1 hour on school nights and ot at all if there is an activity. NO BOYS - NO BOYFRIENDS - No phone calls from boys - no exceptions!
One weekend sleepover with a friend per weekend.
No phone calls after 9.
No chat, myspace at all EVER!!
No email accounts other than those that mom and dad have access to as well.
I really don't car what others think... I know that my daughter will respect my rules and in turn have me as the little bug in her ear as she is exposed to more things.
She is the youngest in her grade and while others talk of BFs and such..
She proclaims that she is "too young" and I stand proud!
So teenager's moms! Go for it! Be strict - they will thank you later as they learn to have self respect instead of changing themselves to meet a societal pressure!!
Kristy
Teenager dating? check out this link...
http://www.family.samhsa.gov/set/dating....
I have kid, plus teach high school students, and your plan is perfect. i wish more parents dealt with their teen this way.
If you get too strict she'll rebel. Give her some freedom. Knowing where she is going is great, but you don't need to follow her around or have somebody else do it. Let her have some privacy with her BF. Maybe they just want to talk. You've raised her to be responsible, so allow her to do that.
